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| Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most And How (Part 1) |
Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most And How To Stop This?
You love each other but can't manage to communicate without arguing, fighting, and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect oneself against a new attack. And despite that, you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?
How come we can express our love? How come we are full of good intentions, but when it comes to reality, we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.
How to stop this infernal behavior?
First, let me explain why this happens.
We all need energy. We need the energy to live and to survive. Power comes in many forms: love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition.
We all need this to feel good, build our personality, and find our place in society.
But here it is: as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in the struggle because human power is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn't last. There isn't enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention of the other and to pull his energy.
If this doesn't work, we will try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life: when he plays quietly on the floor with his toys, mum cooks dinner, or talks with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing sick, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she's angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He quickly learns which behavior gives him the most significant attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, power is still coming his way, even angry! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.
When we grow up and start to date, we discover a fascinating phenomenon: when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read: attention, interest, time, honey, etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don't even have to ask for it; we don't need to apply any strategy to pick this energy; it's all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the power of others towards us. We loosen up. We fall in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more color, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our crunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us; we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is their energy! We are flying on someone else's power, and the human point is limited!
And that is precisely the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down because the other one goes back to the business and activities he had before. Why? They say that the body cannot handle this amount of adrenaline for an extended period. Still, the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of power itself.
So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy flow, and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Accessible point is so much easier! We don't have to make an effort to get it! We do what we did as a child to get the energy flowing our way. And now we are getting less of this free energy; we don't want to let this happen. At this moment, our old childhood system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says: Danger! Lack of energy!), and the old mechanism to capture energy from others start running in our head and our behavior. The agency that worked when we were a child to get the power of our parents will be triggered by the lack of energy now.
to be continued...
Photo: https://pixabay.com